The Greed of Knowledge and Being a "Good Man"

"But the serpent said to the woman, 'You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.'" 

Genesis 3:4-5 (ESV)

 

Knowledge and capability is often evidence that God is working in and growing us – but it shouldn't be worshipped. Being obedient is always step one.

The corruption of Creation showed us that ultimately, the desire to know everything is what led to mankind's downfall. The human desire to bring ourselves to God's level is something we frown on, and we resent the original man and woman for allowing to bring sin into the world God created. The fact that we think that we have the authority to condemn them is ironic, because it proves that man will always, at one point or another, place himself above others out of the pride and arrogance that he masks as righteousness. If anything, our desire to limit the capability and will of the Lord, whether by prioritizing our judgement over His or by attempting to get a full understanding of it, is much more passionate and intense than the original sinners.

As I've shifted into adult life post-college, I've started to learn with every challenging experience that I have a strong desire to know everything. To the point where it becomes an irrational fear of the future. I think it's good to want to be educated on anything, because the more we can understand, the more we can set the stage as far as building and practicing wisdom. But I think sometimes our desire to know everything comes from a place of ignorance and impatience – just like every good virtue, we begin to worship the byproduct of the Spirit more than the Spirit Himself.

It seems natural to think that if we knew what the future would bring, it would make it much easier to live life patiently in the present and appreciate what we have when we have it until we have other things to spend our time, love, and thought toward. Had I known how my college experience would be, I probably would've enjoyed high school a lot more, appreciated the situation I was in, while looking forward to the relationships and experiences that I was going to get later on. In fact, you could plug that concept into any experience I've ever had, good or bad.

"Had I known, I could have."

I don't think I would've been able to really handle that knowledge, though. I think it would've ultimately made me pretty complacent, and I wouldn't feel the need to rely on the Lord (or anyone, for that matter). I think we're an arrogant people that always want more, even at the point that God is giving us all that we can handle. Just like money, power, strength – the limited knowledge that we're given in order to be more like God is never enough to satisfy our ultimate desire to be God. I pity Eve – how many people resent you for the sin that you brought in? Yet, I would have done the same thing – my own pride and arrogance is just as hideous. And how many souls have had to learn suffering, all because what we're given is never enough? What would have happened if that fruit really had made them like God? Would they have shown the same kind of love and mercy that He's given us? Hardly.

Yet, I've noticed a misplaced goal in myself not just to have everything that I lack, but to get to a point in my understanding and experience where I completely understand God and His will for my life. Not that I've explicitly thought about it a lot, but I have a subconscious longing to make sense of everything that happens to me and around me. Growth feels like it should operate the way it does in a game, where I'll reach a point where I'll be practically invulnerable to the things that could pierce my metaphorical armor when I was younger. But now I'm starting to learn that growth isn't necessarily evidenced by not hurting more (or even hurting less, necessarily) – but it's actually evidenced by how much we surrender (and for how long), when we do hurt. Will knowing what God's planned for the next 5 years of my life help me for the next 50 that follow? Or will I look back during times of grief, times of ecstasy, times of waiting, and remember how I felt – and how faithful God was throughout?

I want to be a good man – really badly. I want to be a better son, a better friend, a better brother. I want to be built up in a way that will make me a better husband, and a better father. The best that God will let me be. I want to be good to the people around me. Though I think my natural motivations for that start to affect what I feel when it seems like I've been set back. I've been thinking a lot about what it looks like for me to be a "good man," and for the first time in a while, I think it's shifted a bit. I've always loved Romans 5:1-5, because it highlights this concept of having strong character. For years now, I've attached a lot of my walk with Christ to having strong character, and displaying strong character. Kindness, strength, wisdom, integrity, intentionality – all qualities of good character. And along my walk with Christ, I'd like to feel like I've built up a lot of that character, through pleasant memories and painful ones. But just like Jacob becoming Israel, every man maintains an unbreakable character all the way up to the point where it breaks. What does your character look like, when you suddenly find yourself on the wrong end of a smoking gun that sin created? Are we proud of what "we" built, then?

The desire to be better men and women should never be something we try to steer away from – it would quite honestly be unbiblical. But I can at least speak for myself when I say that it's possible I need to redefine for myself what being a better man means. The fruit that comes from my growth is a gift from God. But I should never find myself worshipping it. When did being rewarded become more important than being obedient? Maybe it's entirely possible that I don't just need to be a good man for Christ, but instead I need to be a good man of Christ.